Three mice were sitting in a bar, each trying to impress the others with how tough they were.
The first one said, "When I see a mousetrap, I deliberately set it off, bench press the bar fifty times, then snack on the cheese."
The second one, not to be outdone, said, "Yeah? Well, every morning when I get out of bed, I stir some cream and rat poison into my coffee. It gives me a good buzz that really wakes me up and gets me going."
They both look at the third mouse who, after a few seconds, gets up and says, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I've got to go home and shag the cat."