Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

Guy goes into the doctor's.
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
"How's that?"
"Don't you start"

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

What's brown and sounds like a bell?
"DUNG"

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up,and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice Said 'You are.'"